Consent is king.
Before college, honestly, even before high school, you have to know about consent: what it is, what it sounds like, how to give and not give it, and how to keep affirming consent throughout a hookup. When you start college, you might have a quick course on what sexual consent is, but it goes much deeper than what that course might teach you. For more information on consent, click here.
It's okay to ask for what you want.
Telling your partner what you want during sex is important for both consent and your sexual pleasure. It's totally okay to voice your desires, and let your partner know exactly how they can make you feel good. So don't be shy — your partner likely wants to make you feel good, and will be grateful for a helpful tip.
It helps to know what you like.
It's hard to ask for what you want if you don't know what you like. Of course, it takes some experimentation to figure out what you do and don't like sexually, and much of this can be done on your own. That's right, some good old-fashioned masturbation can help you figure out how you want a partner to touch you in the future. Not sure where to start with self-experimentation? We've got you covered.
Queer sex is A-okay.
If you choose to have sex in college, it doesn't have to be heterosexual if you don't want it to be. It's absolutely okay to have queer sex; you don't have to be anyone you don't want to be.
Your roommate might sex-ile you.
This is a classic college scenario. You come back to your dorm to find a sock on the door, a note on the whiteboard, or whatever signal you and your roommate have worked out to communicate to each other that the room is, um, occupied. But it's your room too, and you have the right to sleep in your own bed. This is when karma comes into play. You might consider packing up your pillow and bunking with a pal so that when you're trying to have some private time in the room, your roommate will be more likely to respect that. Plus, being sex-iled is much better than your roommate trying to sneakily do it with you in the room — which might also happen.
Pee after sexual contact.
This is important! You should always pee after sexual contact to reduce the risk of a urinary tract infection (UTI). According to the Mayo Clinic, UTIs happen when bacteria enter the urinary tract via the urethra and multiply in the bladder. People with vaginas are more at risk of UTIs, though anyone can get them. Sexual activity can increase your risk of getting a UTI, but the Mayo Clinic recommends peeing after sex to reduce that risk. This is not a fail-safe method for avoiding a UTI, but it can help prevent an uncomfortable, though easily treated, situation.
Penetration isn't everything.
There's no one way to have sex. If you're not interested in penetration, there are tons of other ways to get down, and you should feel empowered to explore options on your own or with a partner to find what feels good for you.
Orgasms aren't everything either.
Sex doesn't always end with an orgasm — and that's okay! This doesn't mean you should give up after only one partner has had an orgasm. Everyone who wants one should have one. But if both you and your partner are satisfied, there's no need to keep going just to achieve orgasm if that's not what you want to do.
It's okay to say no.
At any time. Seriously. Consent is ongoing, and you reserve the right to rescind it whenever you want. You shouldn't feel obligated to continue a sexual act just because you started it, and a respectful partner will be okay with that. You should also know that just because you respond to a late-night text or go to someone's dorm room alone, it doesn't mean you have to do anything sexual if that's not what you want to do.
Sexual assault isn't sex.
Given the high rates of sexual assault on college campuses, it's vitally important to know that this isn't sex — it's assault. If you or someone you know is sexually assaulted, there is help available, and you have rights. Before going to college, it's a good idea to figure out where these resources (like a sexual assault response center, or the school's Title IX office) are located, and how to access them if you need to. And know that sexual assault is never the victim's fault
Protection is a must.
To prevent unwanted pregnancy and reduce the risk of getting an STI, you should always use a barrier method, no matter what type of sexual contact you're engaging in. If your partner protests, you reserve the right to walk away.
So is getting tested.
Now that you're living away from your parents, it's your job to make sure you stay healthy. That means going to the doctor regularly, getting your teeth cleaned, and getting regular STI tests, if you're sexually active. You can go to your regular doctor, a campus clinic, a local Planned Parenthood, or any kind of STI testing clinic to get tested. If you're nervous about getting tested, you can read more on what it feels like here. Once you know your status, it makes it that much easier to talk to sexual partners about theirs, which is another step you should definitely be taking to prevent STIs.
You don't have to have sex.
Sex can help you explore your identity and may play an integral part in your college experience in many ways. But it's neither a requirement nor a definition of who you are. If you don't want to have sex in college, don't do it. Trust us, you're not missing out, and you're not doing college "wrong." This advice isn't all or nothing either. Don't feel pressured to have certain kinds of sex just because it seems like you should to have a "typical" college experience — there is no such thing!
Don't obsess — sex will happen if you want it to.
If you do want to have sex but don't have anyone to do it with, it can seem like college is the sex-fest movies make it out to be, that is for everyone except you. Rest assured, this is not the case. Whether it's a new relationship, a random hookup, or some luck on a dating app, you will find someone to have sex with eventually. In the meantime, it's best to take a deep breath and focus on your friends and school. Like we said before, sex doesn't define who you are, and it doesn't make you a different kind of person. When it comes, it comes — pardon the pun.
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